My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
