tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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