take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
