My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
