so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
