I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
