Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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