i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
