Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
