Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize