Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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