is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms