I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
