Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
