guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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