She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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