Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
