WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
