We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
