So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
