PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
