have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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