two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
