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Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
