I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
