I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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