my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
