i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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