An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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