Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
