he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
