you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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