I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
