I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
