maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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