You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
