Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
