U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
