i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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