There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
