omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
