Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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