how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
FUCK WHALES
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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