He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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