I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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