I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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