its not stalking. its research.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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