"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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