Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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