I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
