when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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