here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
