Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize