I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
whose parrot is this?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
