You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
