At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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