I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
