do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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