Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
